Steve Keegan

Relationship Counsellor in Doncaster in Person & Online

CALL 07740856328
CONTACT ME BY EMAIL

Attachment Styles in adults and how they affect a couples relationship

The main adult attachment styles & how they affect relationships

Secure attachment

  • Core belief: “I’m OK, you’re OK.”
  • In relationships: Comfortable with intimacy and independence, able to communicate needs, tolerate conflict, and repair after ruptures.
  • Impact: More stable, satisfying relationships with flexibility and trust.

Anxious (preoccupied) attachment

  • Core belief: “I might be abandoned.”
  • In relationships: Seeks closeness and reassurance, may fear rejection, over-interpret cues, or struggle with emotional regulation.
  • Impact: Can lead to cycles of pursuit, heightened conflict, or feeling “too much” in relationships.

Avoidant (dismissive) attachment

  • Core belief: “I can only rely on myself.”
  • In relationships: Values independence, may downplay emotions, withdraw during conflict, or feel overwhelmed by closeness.
  • Impact: Can create emotional distance, difficulty with vulnerability, and partners feeling shut out.

Fearful-avoidant (disorganised) attachment

  • Core belief: “I want closeness, but it isn’t safe.”
  • In relationships: Push-pull dynamics, intense emotions, difficulty trusting, fear of intimacy and abandonment.
  • Impact: Often associated with unstable or high-conflict relationships and unresolved trauma.

Key adult relationship effects

  • Attachment styles influence how we choose partners, respond to conflict, seek reassurance, and handle emotional closeness.
  • Styles are patterns, not fixed traits—they can shift with insight, secure relationships, and therapeutic work.
  • Many relationship difficulties reflect attachment dynamics, not individual “flaws”.
  • Impact: Can lead to cycles of pursuit, heightened conflict, or feeling “too much” in relationships.

 

Avoidant (dismissive) attachment

  • Core belief: “I can only rely on myself.”
  • In relationships: Values independence, may downplay emotions, withdraw during conflict, or feel overwhelmed by closeness.
  • Impact: Can create emotional distance, difficulty with vulnerability, and partners feeling shut out.

Fearful-avoidant (disorganised) attachment

  • Core belief: “I want closeness, but it isn’t safe.”
  • In relationships: Push-pull dynamics, intense emotions, difficulty trusting, fear of intimacy and abandonment.
  • Impact: Often associated with unstable or high-conflict relationships and unresolved trauma.

Key adult relationship effects

  • Attachment styles influence how we choose partners, respond to conflict, seek reassurance, and handle emotional closeness.
  • Styles are patterns, not fixed traits—they can shift with insight, secure relationships, and therapeutic work within counselling sessions.

Many relationship difficulties reflect attachment dynamics, not individual “flaws”.

Get in touch

Thank you for considering counselling—taking the first step isn’t always easy, and I appreciate you reaching out. If you have any questions or you’re ready to book a session, I’d love to hear from you. To get in touch, you can email me directly using the contact form below.

I aim to respond to all enquiries as soon as possible, usually within 24 hours. 

I look forward to working together and helping you take the next step toward positive change.

“Hi Steve. Hope you are well. I just thought that I would let you know that I've gone past 90 days now and I am feeling better than ever. I no longer consider myself addicted to sex. I still have temptations, but I have learnt how to deal with them and do so, day by day. I am doing well at the moment and really enjoying life. Thanks so much for everything you have done to help me through this problem. Should I need any help in the future, then I will be back in touch.”

Male, Barnsley

“Since working with you on my porn addiction problem I have finally started to understand who I am and what I need in life to be fulfilled. I can now see how I was that needy child and how that child has followed me into being an adult and how I have used the feelings associated with my porn use to help me manage in life, but actually all it has done is almost destroy my life and I have lost my closest friend and partner due to this addiction.”

Male, Barnsley

“Thanks for making me realise just how much my past baggage has impacted on the here and now. Our relationship has taken a turn for the better since starting the sessions.”

Female, Doncaster

“I'd always assumed that I was addicted to sex, but now I understand that the porn or feelings it produced helped me cope with my life and it had nothing to do with real sex.”

Male, Doncaster

“Thanks for all you have done in making me realise that it is good to talk to my wife about things. If the crazy thoughts enter my head again then I know where you are. Thanks again.”

Male, Barnsley

“The sessions have helped me re-connect with wife. We are closer than ever without the distraction of my phone vibrating in my pocket.”

Male, Doncaster

“My partner and I actually talk about stuff that matters now and it's easier for me to talk about how I'm feeling.”

Male, Doncaster

“These few sessions have given me a sense of direction and more confidence in myself.”

Female, Doncaster

“Thanks Steve. I have my life back on track and a wife that is starting to trust me again.”

Male, Doncaster

“You cannot imagine my sense of relief having finally told somebody about my past.”

Male, Doncaster

“It helps seeing you. I can't talk to my friends about this stuff.”

Male, Doncaster

“The counselling helped us understand matters from each others point of view.”

Female, Doncaster

“We found the sessions really useful and would happily recommend you.”

Female, Doncaster

“Thanks for your time Steve and for giving me the tools to make life changing choices.”

Male, Barnsley

© Copyright 2025 for Steve Keegan

powered by WebHealer